AND A VOICE TO CALL ME HOME
by Chaos10
Summary: Bones is having a problem and she goes to talk to the one person she thinks might give her an honest answer.


AND A VOICE TO CALL ME HOME

Bones has a lot on her mind and she talks to the one person who she thinks might provide her with an answer.

This story has blown in and out of my mind since Wednesday. I finally pinned it down today and got it into words. Of course, they plotted a course of their own and this is longer than I expected. One shot.

Brennan went about her duties at the Jeffersonian as she always did. She was efficient, knowledgable and concise.

She just wasn't speaking. Not to anyone unless it was within the parameters of the job. The last time she had had a personal conversation was the one with Booth several nights before. Angela was worried. They all were.

She stood outside her friend's office door watching her. Brennan was seated at her desk staring off into space.

Dr. Temperance Brennan DID NOT space out. Something was deeply disturbing her. Angela took a deep breath and tried once more to breach the wall of silence surrounding her best friend.

"Bren? Hey, this is getting a little ridiculous. Talk to me."

Brennan shook off her distraction and turned her attention back to her friend. "I'm sorry, Ang. I'm just, thinking." She said the last word with a shrug of her shoulders.

"Those are some pretty heavy thoughts, then"

Brennan gave her a small smile. "I've just... I need to get some things straight in my head." She looked up at the artist. "I'll be better tomorrow. I promise."

"Famous last words. Okay. But, if you're not okay tomorrow we ARE going to talk. I don't like seeing you like this. None of us do." She squatted down in front of Brennan and drew her into a quick hug. "I mean it."

Brennan nodded. "Thanks, Ang. Are you going home now?"

"No. Actually Jack and I are going out to dinner?"

"Hodgins?" Brennan asked incredulously.

"Yeah, Hodgins. What's wrong with that?" Angela was a little peeved.

"Nothing, really. You just, you don't seem each other's type."

"Well, surprise, surprise." Brennan smiled. "Have a good time, Ang."

Angela waved as she exited the office. She barely cleared sight of the door before she pulled out her cell and hit number 5.

"Booth."

"Hey. Do you know what's going on with Brennan?"

Booth sighed. He had noticed that Bones had been quiet since their last case but he had no more luck than the others at getting her to talk. "I have no idea. I've tried to talk to her but she just keeps saying she's okay."

"Well, she's not." Angela heard a door open behind her and she quickly moved around the corner to watch as Brennan took her leave.

"She's leaving. It's still daylight outside, Booth. She hasn't left this early since she and David quit seeing each other."

"She's not seeing David anymore?"

"She didn't tell you? Umm. Okay. Well." She was definitely uncomfortable. She assumed the agent had known that David was no longer in the picture.

"Look I'm at the Jeffersonian, now. Why don't I see if I can find out where she's going? Maybe it will give us some idea of what's wrong."

"You're going to tail her?"

"I'm going to see where's she's going and if I can I will talk to her, okay?" Booth didn't like the overtures of 'tailing' his partner. She wasn't a criminal, she was just reserved and turning in on herself and making her friends insane. And, if he didn't quit thinking he was going to lose her in the Friday evening traffic jam.

Brennan pulled into a parking lot and got out of her car. Booth parked a row behind and several spaces over and watched as she ran in to the florist across the street. She came out ten minutes later carrying a bouquet of irises. She nearly got hit as she stepped out into the street without looking. Booth almost left his SUV but sat back as he saw her shake her head and blow out a strong breath. Maybe now she'd be more aware of what was going on around her.

He followed her as she pulled her car back into traffic and drove the short distance into Virginia. When she made a right turn onto the cemetary grounds Booth finally knew where she was going. She was visiting Christine. Now, he had a delimma. Did he follow her in or wait out here and try to talk to her after her visit. The chivalric part of him said wait but the practical part said she would probably say something to her mother's head stone that she might not openly tell her friends. He sighed and opened his door.

She was kneeling down, arranging the flowers in a vase someone had set up on the ground in front of the head stone. He assumed it was Russ' doing although Max could have done it just as well. He didn't want to reflect on the fact that they had yet to find a trace of Bones' father except for the dolphin they had found the last time they were here.

Bones straightened up and Booth slid behind a tree that was close enough for him to hear but not so close that he would draw her attention. It didn't take long for her to start talking. And, crying. It was breaking his heart.

"Mom, it's me, Temperance, again. I know, if you're really out there like Booth and Angela say you are, I don't have to tell you who I am every time I come here but today," the tears started, "today I have to tell you because you may not know who I am. I don't know if I know who I am. I, oh damn, I killed someone Mom. Took a man's life. He had a mother who loved him and a dog who looked to him for care and I shot him. I killed him! Does that make me a bad person?" She used the back of her sleeve to wipe at the tears that were coming faster and harder. "He had already killed one girl and he was going to kill another one. He was beating Booth and I had to stop him. I didn't even give him a chance, I didn't say anything, I just pulled the trigger. Aren't you suppose to say something before you shoot someone? Give them a chance to stop what they're doing? Why didn't I, Mom? Am I a bad person? I know I asked that about Dad but he only arranged for someone else to do the killing. I, I, actually caused this man to cease living. Does that make me as bad as him and all the other murderers who I've worked these last years to help find and put away? Should I be locked away in a prison cell because I did the same thing they've done? I wish you could tell me." She reached out and touched the headstone. "I saved Booth and I saved Helen Majors but I took someone else's life in doing it. I can't get my head around that. My friends, they all tell me I did the right thing, that if I hadn't shot him it's more than likely he would have killed all of us but it's just so hard. What if, what if Booth and Cam were right? What if being a foster child makes you a bad person? I don't believe that, I can't but that's one of those things keep going through my mind. Did all of those rejections, the fighting off the advances, watching other kids come and go, be reunited with their families, be hurt, be treated like trash because they were, we were, fosters. Did all of that, is all of that lodged some where in my mind, somewhere that is just now coming out?" She chuckled without any amusement. "Booth made it a point in telling me that some psychologists say that I have low self esteem and blame myself for whatever happened to me in foster care or what ever happened to put me in to foster care. I don't. I don't blame you either. I understand, now, why you had to do what you did. And, I know why Russ had to turn me over to the state but I don't, I can't say with any degree of certainty any more that I'm an innocent in all of this, not now, not after having to settle things with Russ and finding out how much I unintentionally hurt him. And, my own father won't even acknowledge that he's still alive. And, Booth. I thought I finally found someone who would be on my side when I needed someone. I mean we argue but," She shook her head a little, "he's always been on my side. That is until Cam showed up. Now, it's like I have to be triply sure and that much more assertive when I think I'm right. Ever since the two of them went off on their little side trip of how people like me can't be trusted, can't be anything but bad it's not quite been the same between us. And, now I've murdered someone in front of him. He is one of the two people I trust the most in my life and i don't have that anymore. He was part of who I was. So, I don't know who I am right now. So, I have to ask you, am I a bad person?" Her tears were harder and she was barely standing anymore.

Booth walked up behind her and placed his hands on her upper arms supporting her. "No, Temperance, you are not a bad person. I don't think you ever could be." She turned her head away from him as if to hide her tears. "Mistakes were made. I have made many of them. But, you weren't one of them. I do support you. I will always be on your side, no matter what. Cam knows that and you need to know it, too. Why don't you say goodbye to your mom and we can go get something to eat. We need to have a long talk."

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